College.
Is.
Killing.
Me.
No no no no, stop right there. Im not complaining about my classes, no, they aren't that hard. I just can't figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. Right now I'm working on meeting realistic goals for myself, and not try to become americas next reality show star.
Final thought.
Marketing...
Technology....
?
Friday, January 20, 2012
Monday, November 28, 2011
Did you want one bull shit noise violation or 14, cause I got 'em right here for ya.
Long story short, the evil dwarves RA came storming into a friends room a few weeks ago, accusing us of a noise violation. OBVIOUSLY we were being excessively loud, we weren't just sitting talking about legitimate topics. She says "Security" and uses her key to open the door, not against the rules, its not, you can totally do that. Her story of how she heard us changed 21 times, and to this day still tells a different story of how she "KNEW" something suspicious was going on in the room.
Needless to say I completely ignored the mail of the "Voilation", as the UWM Housing is a bunch of blood thirsty vampires. I am 18 years old, and if the police don't need to be called, leave me the "fuck" alone. That would be much appreciated, as all you do is swipe cards and give people their packages, you don't actually have any authority. So go away.
If this kind of power hungry bull shit happens again, or they try to put me on the "high risk" behavior list ....thing, I will show them "high risk", it'll be risky.
Had a great thanksgiving, bought tons of hunky-dory 1.96 movies at Walmart. In addition, I was able to generate gift ideas for the parentals.
Im not going to play Christmas music until I go home, Im not, I didn't download an excessive amount of Christmas music for my musical enjoyment.
Happy Hole-idays!
Needless to say I completely ignored the mail of the "Voilation", as the UWM Housing is a bunch of blood thirsty vampires. I am 18 years old, and if the police don't need to be called, leave me the "fuck" alone. That would be much appreciated, as all you do is swipe cards and give people their packages, you don't actually have any authority. So go away.
If this kind of power hungry bull shit happens again, or they try to put me on the "high risk" behavior list ....thing, I will show them "high risk", it'll be risky.
Had a great thanksgiving, bought tons of hunky-dory 1.96 movies at Walmart. In addition, I was able to generate gift ideas for the parentals.
Im not going to play Christmas music until I go home, Im not, I didn't download an excessive amount of Christmas music for my musical enjoyment.
Happy Hole-idays!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
So I think with number H is talking about...
"So i think with number H is talking about..."
Does that make sense to you? It makes no sense to me.
For one, what is this grammar, two, number H, I KNOW.
Now this is my research writing 102 class, where you would think everyone in there has some advanced grammar skill. No no no NO you are WRONG stop thinking that because you don't even have to be smart to be in 102 you just have to show up. I think there are some brighter 101 students.
I know that we are trying to peer edit your research paper, but I am sorry that you're grammar is that bad. Its not my fault you are from Kuwait and I can't change that. On that note, don't become aggressive when nobody knows what the hell your paper is talking about. I think that before becoming angry you should realize that since nobody can understand you when you are talking "english" nobody will understand you when you are writing "english".
I AM SORRY.
ITS NOT MY FAULT.
I feel awkward peer editing as it is, because everyone becomes angry when flaws are "called to the carpet" as my teacher likes to say.
You know what, I'm just going to have to call you to the carpet on number M, because with that letter 3 in paragraph D is just out of with control.
Does that make sense to you? It makes no sense to me.
For one, what is this grammar, two, number H, I KNOW.
Now this is my research writing 102 class, where you would think everyone in there has some advanced grammar skill. No no no NO you are WRONG stop thinking that because you don't even have to be smart to be in 102 you just have to show up. I think there are some brighter 101 students.
I know that we are trying to peer edit your research paper, but I am sorry that you're grammar is that bad. Its not my fault you are from Kuwait and I can't change that. On that note, don't become aggressive when nobody knows what the hell your paper is talking about. I think that before becoming angry you should realize that since nobody can understand you when you are talking "english" nobody will understand you when you are writing "english".
I AM SORRY.
ITS NOT MY FAULT.
I feel awkward peer editing as it is, because everyone becomes angry when flaws are "called to the carpet" as my teacher likes to say.
You know what, I'm just going to have to call you to the carpet on number M, because with that letter 3 in paragraph D is just out of with control.
Monday, November 14, 2011
It was stupid day in Milwaukee today, i must have not seen it on the calendar.
Its now 12:18 pm, this day has really only just begun and I already fear that I will be infected with stupidity by the end of the day.
First, something completely unrelated.
Long story short, there was a smack down last night between my suite mate and I because of his perverted ways. Literally, perverted. Stop being an internet predator and sending pictures to people, you creepy individual.
This morning i was standing in front of the mirror brushing my teeth and such, and I bent over to spit in the sink, and I didn't look in the mirror when i stood up, I just turned around instead. Right when I turned around Mr. Perv was standing right there with this wicked-sick-serial-killer smile and said "You look like you a saw a ghost", and walked away.
Thank you, horror film type start to my day. Thanks. That was just the way I imagined this morning when I went to bed last night.
My day quickly shifted from horrific to stupid.
First, I get to the elevator to go down the lobby. There is a guy standing in front of the elevator looking very impatient. I didn't really pay attention to it, I sent a few texts. I looked up a minute later and realized the button to go "down" was not pressed. I was slightly irritated. As I leaned forward to push the button he says "I already pushed it". Obviously you didn't seeing as the BUTTON ISN'T LIT UP YOU STUPID PERSON.
We are just getting started. I get to the convenience store in the lobby of our dorm to get my usual starbucks drink, and I was intercepted by an incompetent cashier. Im standing at the counter, with the drink, waiting to pay for it, and he is walking around stocking shelves, along with other miscellaneous things, while I am yes, just standing there. He then looks up and says "Oh hey did you need something". No, I am standing here to practice MY BALANCE. What the hell do you think I'm doing? He comes over to ring it up, and rung it up as Pringles. Yes. Yes.
I get on the shuttle, which of COURSE refuses to leave Riverview. This did not phase me, because this is regular irritant. But what happens next is a phenomenon that is so out of hand that it must have been the devil himself that is throwing these stupid people into my path. We get to the first stop of the shuttle, which is the science buildings, someone stands up to get off. Right as they get off the bus, they turn around and take a step back on the bus and says "No I need to go the union". Ok, confusion of schedule? Normal, happens to me sometimes. NO NO. We are pulling up the union and the person says "Can you bring me to the union" to the driver. And at this point, I'm thinking, REALLY NOW. The driver says "This...is the union?". The individual "It doesn't look like it". This conversation is all going on right in the front of the shuttle, so nobody who actually knows where they are can get off the shuttle. Not already late, Thank you lost individual. We are 3 months into school, how do you not understand.
Oh getting better.
Im walking to my english seminar, and a person is coming at me walking backwards. I swerve to get out of their blind destructive path, they also swerve (while backwards) and hit me. They turn around and go "UGH" in my face, as if I was the one walking backwards like a bafoon around the crowded union.
I just can't escape.
A few other small happenings in math 90, that I probably wouldn't normally notice, but it was excessive today.
Its now 12:37, and I can't even WAIT to fail this exam at 3.
Thank you Rodney Atkins for describing my day in your music.
Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
First, something completely unrelated.
Long story short, there was a smack down last night between my suite mate and I because of his perverted ways. Literally, perverted. Stop being an internet predator and sending pictures to people, you creepy individual.
This morning i was standing in front of the mirror brushing my teeth and such, and I bent over to spit in the sink, and I didn't look in the mirror when i stood up, I just turned around instead. Right when I turned around Mr. Perv was standing right there with this wicked-sick-serial-killer smile and said "You look like you a saw a ghost", and walked away.
Thank you, horror film type start to my day. Thanks. That was just the way I imagined this morning when I went to bed last night.
My day quickly shifted from horrific to stupid.
First, I get to the elevator to go down the lobby. There is a guy standing in front of the elevator looking very impatient. I didn't really pay attention to it, I sent a few texts. I looked up a minute later and realized the button to go "down" was not pressed. I was slightly irritated. As I leaned forward to push the button he says "I already pushed it". Obviously you didn't seeing as the BUTTON ISN'T LIT UP YOU STUPID PERSON.
We are just getting started. I get to the convenience store in the lobby of our dorm to get my usual starbucks drink, and I was intercepted by an incompetent cashier. Im standing at the counter, with the drink, waiting to pay for it, and he is walking around stocking shelves, along with other miscellaneous things, while I am yes, just standing there. He then looks up and says "Oh hey did you need something". No, I am standing here to practice MY BALANCE. What the hell do you think I'm doing? He comes over to ring it up, and rung it up as Pringles. Yes. Yes.
I get on the shuttle, which of COURSE refuses to leave Riverview. This did not phase me, because this is regular irritant. But what happens next is a phenomenon that is so out of hand that it must have been the devil himself that is throwing these stupid people into my path. We get to the first stop of the shuttle, which is the science buildings, someone stands up to get off. Right as they get off the bus, they turn around and take a step back on the bus and says "No I need to go the union". Ok, confusion of schedule? Normal, happens to me sometimes. NO NO. We are pulling up the union and the person says "Can you bring me to the union" to the driver. And at this point, I'm thinking, REALLY NOW. The driver says "This...is the union?". The individual "It doesn't look like it". This conversation is all going on right in the front of the shuttle, so nobody who actually knows where they are can get off the shuttle. Not already late, Thank you lost individual. We are 3 months into school, how do you not understand.
Oh getting better.
Im walking to my english seminar, and a person is coming at me walking backwards. I swerve to get out of their blind destructive path, they also swerve (while backwards) and hit me. They turn around and go "UGH" in my face, as if I was the one walking backwards like a bafoon around the crowded union.
I just can't escape.
A few other small happenings in math 90, that I probably wouldn't normally notice, but it was excessive today.
Its now 12:37, and I can't even WAIT to fail this exam at 3.
Thank you Rodney Atkins for describing my day in your music.
Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Says I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Sunday, November 13, 2011
I should have slept through this day and never participated in it.
This day...this day.
Everything that could have went wrong, did. The series of unfortunate events that today consisted of was a little excessive. After a while, it got a little out of hand.
I woke up to greet the ....afternoon......and I bounced my hand off the metal bar of my bed. Not serious, but should have been viewed as a red flag. Then, red flag two, I got down off of my bed onto my dresser, and I jumped down onto the floor, only to jar my ankle. Cool. This is going well.
I safely sat down at my computer for a few hours just getting some things done. I decided I was hungry. I went down to the cafeteria only to wait 4 years to get my Buffalo ranch chicken sandwich (obviously, what else do you get). I also got popcorn chicken because I felt it was dire. So my first bite into my sandwich the buffalo ranch goes everywhere. Hmmm, even cooler. As much as I love buffalo ranch, I would prefer to eat it than wear it. Just a personal preference. Not saying other people wouldn't enjoy wearing it.
So, a few hours later, I had a partially filled Dr Pepper can sitting on my desk from the fun the night before. As I was being rambunctious and flailing around at my desk, it was ker-smashed across the room. Thus Dr Pepper going everywhere.
OH THE BEST PART, I FORGOT. I decide I'm going to go down to the third floor for a minute. Instead of taking the elevator I took the stairs, just because I figured the elevators would be slow at the time. First step, slipped, and did a gymnastics move, and tumbled down the stairs. Half standing up, half falling, turned into a complete smash. I sat there for a second, making sure my tailbone was still on planet earth, and slowly got up. Needless to say I didn't go to the third floor , i just went back to my room.
Now, the story gets cooler. A few of us decide were going to walk to MacDon's. We arrived moments (probably seconds) after they closed the lobby. That was really the frappe on top of my day. I had had enough of this. I went back to my room and sat on my computer , which is leading into this moment now as I am typing.
Oh, side note. I got semi-rejected today. Im done trying and I'm just going to talk inanimate objects.
I hope everyone is jealous.
Everything that could have went wrong, did. The series of unfortunate events that today consisted of was a little excessive. After a while, it got a little out of hand.
I woke up to greet the ....afternoon......and I bounced my hand off the metal bar of my bed. Not serious, but should have been viewed as a red flag. Then, red flag two, I got down off of my bed onto my dresser, and I jumped down onto the floor, only to jar my ankle. Cool. This is going well.
I safely sat down at my computer for a few hours just getting some things done. I decided I was hungry. I went down to the cafeteria only to wait 4 years to get my Buffalo ranch chicken sandwich (obviously, what else do you get). I also got popcorn chicken because I felt it was dire. So my first bite into my sandwich the buffalo ranch goes everywhere. Hmmm, even cooler. As much as I love buffalo ranch, I would prefer to eat it than wear it. Just a personal preference. Not saying other people wouldn't enjoy wearing it.
So, a few hours later, I had a partially filled Dr Pepper can sitting on my desk from the fun the night before. As I was being rambunctious and flailing around at my desk, it was ker-smashed across the room. Thus Dr Pepper going everywhere.
OH THE BEST PART, I FORGOT. I decide I'm going to go down to the third floor for a minute. Instead of taking the elevator I took the stairs, just because I figured the elevators would be slow at the time. First step, slipped, and did a gymnastics move, and tumbled down the stairs. Half standing up, half falling, turned into a complete smash. I sat there for a second, making sure my tailbone was still on planet earth, and slowly got up. Needless to say I didn't go to the third floor , i just went back to my room.
Now, the story gets cooler. A few of us decide were going to walk to MacDon's. We arrived moments (probably seconds) after they closed the lobby. That was really the frappe on top of my day. I had had enough of this. I went back to my room and sat on my computer , which is leading into this moment now as I am typing.
Oh, side note. I got semi-rejected today. Im done trying and I'm just going to talk inanimate objects.
I hope everyone is jealous.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
I am a buffalo
So let me just say, i've found the only thing i need in life.
I have finally found out what Aunt Sil has been ranting a raving and caving and shaving about. BUFFALO. Not to be confused with an actual physical in-the-world buffalo. Im talking SAUCE. I am going to put it on everything, even my toothbrush. I will possibly insert it underneath my fingernails so when I chew on them I get the same taste delivery.
Buffalo ranch chicken sandwich. Yea i said it. Im talking BUFFALO RANCH. This sandwich is only for me and nobody else is allowed to have it, except for me, because I am the only one allowed. Its a rule.
Apart from me bathing in buffalo sauce, there has been no excessive-happenings. Oh wait. There was that little HURRICANE that went through milwaukee, hindering my ability to arrive to my classes 1) on time 2) dry. These things were not happening and would not happen, ever, ever ever. Never have I ever.
Oh.....and my robot suite mate is in love with Hannah. He has a girlfriend, I will now tell you why I told you of his relationship status. Last night on Skype, he insisted on calling her "sexxi" and asking her for an "innocent shower" after I (AS IN ME JASON HOLLAND), went to bed. Also, he asked if she wanted "shower or common area". WHAT ITS FINE. He didn't sound like a person who would be on "To catch a predator" or "Pedophile Confessional". ALERT ALERT LIVE UPDATE. He just messaged her that he wants to hold her in his arms. Did i mention his girlfriend was in the suite today?
NOTHING. IS. HAPPENING.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I left everything behind including my brain
Before i get into my retardism, I would first like to talk about my Wednesday before I left for home.
So on Wednesday, a slew of us decided that we needed to try and make margaritas. Now this may seem like a simple task but let me tell YOU it is the complex of all complexities when it involves me.
So first, we have our alcohol, check. But there needs to be more? What? Margarita mix? Yea we just walked in with it, what did they think we were doing with it? I don't know, they're retarded. So we go down to the cafeteria, and fill up 3 bags with ice from the soda machine. We needed ice, but , you also need it in snow form. Problem 1. We don't have access to a blender. So naturally I say, "lets just use a hammer". So I slam away at the ziploc bag, it breaks MULTIPLE times, It proceeded to sand blast ice all over the room. After a brief hiatus of laughing, i continued to slam away. After using multiple bags, we finally have what seems to be perfect. WRONG.
WRONG WRONG WRONG.
We tried mixing it up, and all it turned into was watery ice, and margarita mix, and vodka. NOTHING. I guess it was just on the rocks, as the aztecs would say.
Phase 2.
So did you know that when you leave to visit home for the weekend, you don't need anything? I apparently thought this.
Upon arriving home, i realized that I had brought, nothing.
When I mean nothing, I mean nothing. I brought clothes, because that would be the most retarded thing to leave, because when you "pack" you think clothes. But let me explain the things I forgot and why it was a problem.
Thing 1, I forgot my retainers. Not completely essential, but i never forget them because they are always by glasses case, so...I don't know why I grabbed one and not the other, i must have just thrashed about through my dorm and ran out.
Thing 2. Homework. This is a special thing I did, EXTRA special. It was saturday afternoon, heading back from iron mountain with my mom, and I ask her, "what day is it today?". She was like "UM...Saturday?".
SHIT.
Every time I go home, you know what not even that, every WEEK. There is a response paper I have to write for my seminar. For what ever reason, I completely forgot about it. Amongst the things I left in Milwaukee, apparently one of them was my brain.
I quit college for the weekend and decided I wasn't enrolled in any classes and didn't need anything.
Thing 3. Hey cash crunch. I forgot my debit card in milwaukee. Now you may be wondering, why wasn't it in your wallet like always? Well I mean the answer is CLEAR as to why it was just sitting on top of my dresser.
Problems with this:
-When did I take it out?
-When did I put it there?
-Why did it put it there?
-Why on the edge of my dresser?
-How could I not have seen it when I was packing?
-How did I not notice its absence when buying lunch at Five Guys for lunch that day?
The answers these questions will be forever shrouded in mystery. This left me in a cash crunch while home, I had to put a random amount of gas into my car to get from place to place. This is all while i'm obviously putting gas in my car to GO TO Mcdonalds to buy food. This is a double edged sword of money spending, and endless vicious cycle of sodium and dollar signs.
Amongst all this I still found the money to buy two 5 dollar movies at Walmart, out of the 5 dollar movie bin. I know, weird that a 5 dollar movie would be in the 5 dollar movie bin. I bought "Carrie" (blu-ray and dvd disc in one case! How could I resist?) and the movie "Trick 'r Treat" I don't know why it is "r" and not "or", but that has nothing to do with anything. I watched "Trick 'r Treat", and I think it was worth the 5 dollars. I mean everyone needs a low budget film to watch from time to time while doing "math zone" home work in your dorm.
No, you HAVE to be doing "math zone" homework and be in a dorm to watch this movie. It says it on the back.
Oh, and by the way, a man, I will call him Mr. Rudestein, has the personality of a rock. Im sorry that you are working at a dorm building's convenience store, that is not my choice. So therefore I don't appreciate it that you rip my meal plan card out of my hand every time I buy something. I am buying something because I want to eat and or drink it. Don't rip my card out of my hand, swipe it violently, while looking annoyed that I'm buying something. You are aware that in convenience stores, people buy things. Im sorry that you can't play World of Warcraft on your laptop for a whopping 5.3 seconds while you swipe a card. I think World of Warcraft will still be there when you get back.
So on Wednesday, a slew of us decided that we needed to try and make margaritas. Now this may seem like a simple task but let me tell YOU it is the complex of all complexities when it involves me.
So first, we have our alcohol, check. But there needs to be more? What? Margarita mix? Yea we just walked in with it, what did they think we were doing with it? I don't know, they're retarded. So we go down to the cafeteria, and fill up 3 bags with ice from the soda machine. We needed ice, but , you also need it in snow form. Problem 1. We don't have access to a blender. So naturally I say, "lets just use a hammer". So I slam away at the ziploc bag, it breaks MULTIPLE times, It proceeded to sand blast ice all over the room. After a brief hiatus of laughing, i continued to slam away. After using multiple bags, we finally have what seems to be perfect. WRONG.
WRONG WRONG WRONG.
We tried mixing it up, and all it turned into was watery ice, and margarita mix, and vodka. NOTHING. I guess it was just on the rocks, as the aztecs would say.
Phase 2.
So did you know that when you leave to visit home for the weekend, you don't need anything? I apparently thought this.
Upon arriving home, i realized that I had brought, nothing.
When I mean nothing, I mean nothing. I brought clothes, because that would be the most retarded thing to leave, because when you "pack" you think clothes. But let me explain the things I forgot and why it was a problem.
Thing 1, I forgot my retainers. Not completely essential, but i never forget them because they are always by glasses case, so...I don't know why I grabbed one and not the other, i must have just thrashed about through my dorm and ran out.
Thing 2. Homework. This is a special thing I did, EXTRA special. It was saturday afternoon, heading back from iron mountain with my mom, and I ask her, "what day is it today?". She was like "UM...Saturday?".
SHIT.
Every time I go home, you know what not even that, every WEEK. There is a response paper I have to write for my seminar. For what ever reason, I completely forgot about it. Amongst the things I left in Milwaukee, apparently one of them was my brain.
I quit college for the weekend and decided I wasn't enrolled in any classes and didn't need anything.
Thing 3. Hey cash crunch. I forgot my debit card in milwaukee. Now you may be wondering, why wasn't it in your wallet like always? Well I mean the answer is CLEAR as to why it was just sitting on top of my dresser.
Problems with this:
-When did I take it out?
-When did I put it there?
-Why did it put it there?
-Why on the edge of my dresser?
-How could I not have seen it when I was packing?
-How did I not notice its absence when buying lunch at Five Guys for lunch that day?
The answers these questions will be forever shrouded in mystery. This left me in a cash crunch while home, I had to put a random amount of gas into my car to get from place to place. This is all while i'm obviously putting gas in my car to GO TO Mcdonalds to buy food. This is a double edged sword of money spending, and endless vicious cycle of sodium and dollar signs.
Amongst all this I still found the money to buy two 5 dollar movies at Walmart, out of the 5 dollar movie bin. I know, weird that a 5 dollar movie would be in the 5 dollar movie bin. I bought "Carrie" (blu-ray and dvd disc in one case! How could I resist?) and the movie "Trick 'r Treat" I don't know why it is "r" and not "or", but that has nothing to do with anything. I watched "Trick 'r Treat", and I think it was worth the 5 dollars. I mean everyone needs a low budget film to watch from time to time while doing "math zone" home work in your dorm.
No, you HAVE to be doing "math zone" homework and be in a dorm to watch this movie. It says it on the back.
Oh, and by the way, a man, I will call him Mr. Rudestein, has the personality of a rock. Im sorry that you are working at a dorm building's convenience store, that is not my choice. So therefore I don't appreciate it that you rip my meal plan card out of my hand every time I buy something. I am buying something because I want to eat and or drink it. Don't rip my card out of my hand, swipe it violently, while looking annoyed that I'm buying something. You are aware that in convenience stores, people buy things. Im sorry that you can't play World of Warcraft on your laptop for a whopping 5.3 seconds while you swipe a card. I think World of Warcraft will still be there when you get back.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Stop dipping your nipples in guacamole, you vole.
So today was a great day.
I got a stellar bo-bellar. I got a groovy 3 hours of sleep last night, which is sufficient for a day, I think. I mean how much more could someone ask for, i mean it doesn't get much lengthier than that, you can't ask for more, stop asking for me, this is getting out of hand.
So before i went to bed I watched a really new and quality movie. It was new, and the graphic effects were better than star wars. Im talking...better than star wars. Thats pretty good.
Oh oh baby, want some more gravy. I love the way you pour ya you do it so 'mazin. Im hungry now, so turn around, 5 4 3 2 1, make that thick gravy go PO-TA-TO.
I finished all of my homework that I have. Nothing was late, everything was turned in. I didn't set up a mandatory conference with my English teacher at a time that I actually have class. Nothing.
So i got a job at Aeropostale to be one of their models. They grabbed me out of a crowd and told me that my features were perfect, they said not many people are 6'3, tan, muscular, and have blonde hair like me. I really am one in a million.
I got a stellar bo-bellar. I got a groovy 3 hours of sleep last night, which is sufficient for a day, I think. I mean how much more could someone ask for, i mean it doesn't get much lengthier than that, you can't ask for more, stop asking for me, this is getting out of hand.
So before i went to bed I watched a really new and quality movie. It was new, and the graphic effects were better than star wars. Im talking...better than star wars. Thats pretty good.
Oh oh baby, want some more gravy. I love the way you pour ya you do it so 'mazin. Im hungry now, so turn around, 5 4 3 2 1, make that thick gravy go PO-TA-TO.
I finished all of my homework that I have. Nothing was late, everything was turned in. I didn't set up a mandatory conference with my English teacher at a time that I actually have class. Nothing.
So i got a job at Aeropostale to be one of their models. They grabbed me out of a crowd and told me that my features were perfect, they said not many people are 6'3, tan, muscular, and have blonde hair like me. I really am one in a million.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
THATS YOUR PUNISHMENT, I AM THE TRIPLE A
Just a few pictures to get your mind in the CORRECT state that it should be in to read such literature.
My weekend was fun-filled. It was like a doughnut day. The jelly in the middle was the fun, the doughnut was the day. So it was fun-dough-jelly-nut.
So after a exhilarating Rocky Horror Picture Show, that didn't involve awkward dancing that I knew ALL the moves to. Lets do the awkward-crouch againnnn!!!! Over all it was a good time, and the "crew" took home a majority of costume prizes. I was proud. Don't let me forget the classy glass of wine we had at Amy's apartment as a pre-game. Rocky pre-game. Did you want to wake up with rice in your bed?
After the extravaganza, I did a little dranky-drank at the Riverview. Where Emmanuel decided to voice all opinions about everyone, as if his mind was a faucet. I was not annoyed, and i did not strike him.
Last night, if you want to call it night, was the winner.
After pre gaming at Hannah-squared's room, where I did not consume two HUGE water bottles full of bacardi and coke in while after I had to fill up another one before we left, we went to a "pre game party".
This party consisted of me dominating in flip cup, and making all of the 20 year olds feel retarded. A mutual friend who goes by the name of "Fez", was getting a little sloshy, more on this later.
An unidentified individual kept social whoring around, and I was getting annoyed.
Oh, and this gross girl was all over me but I decided I didn't want an STD that day so we bailed.
We got back to sandburg to party more, and we are checking in we here Fez come Ka-STORMING up behind us with his elephant feet. He informs us that he did not take the shuttle from the shuttle-stop to sandburg, but he instead ran. The running plus alcohol made him throw up several times. I was ENTERTAINED.
So Fez and I be-bopped around in the quick-mart type thing and headed up to Snooki's room. Now, side note, Fez fell asleep in Snooki's roommates bed. Before passing out in a drunken-blackout, he kept saying he was going to take a picture of himself in her bed and send it to her. He definitely knows her and has her number. Throughout the night Fez was sleeping on his phone that was ringing off the hook, we ignored it at all times. We found out the next day that it was his suite mates that were locked out of their room, cool.
So i obviously dug through his stuff and found a wig in his bag, that I wore for a short period of time.
I was NOT BARRELING THROUGH, gallons of Captain, I wasn't. Let me say, I was the self proclaimed heavy weight champion and called myself that because I was the most functional.
Afteer some fun, two other unidentified individuals went off to "find shoes" to war, AKA have sex. Almost as if to annoy me because they wanted me to know they were doing that so bad. While they were gone there was some fighting involving Snooki and Stephanie and I, all over the drama over the last month or so with that group. Fighting is always good at 6 am. So i went and sat on the stoop of sandburg waiting for a shuttle that was not coming. I mapped out how to walk to river view which is 1.6 miles. As I started to walk , the sex partners came out asking where i was going. I was not annoyed and didn't want to walk to Florence. I didn't want to quit college and go home I didn't I didn't.
So the solution was Mcdonalds, I ate that, at 7 am. I was still rarin' to go.
So i went back to my dorm after a conversation with ....one individual on how he thought "it was". I laughed and thought it was funny. I told him that the quality of it was his punishment.
THEY CALL ME THE PUNISHA.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
My McLife, a true jersey shore-istic show starring, me, the star of the show.
So today I was crucified via texting, which is on the very tippy top of my list of favorite things to have happen on a Wednesday.
Wednesdays, as they say, is called "hump" day, not "scream at someone because you have no idea what you're talking about".....day.
"If she has 788 friends, why does she take pictures of herself?"
I really enjoy getting novel length texts, yelling at me in unrecognizable bitch language. Yes, bitch language. Little do you "bitch talkers", know is that I do not understand anything that you are saying. My favorite response to these novels is "K", that doesn't often go over too well. As you could imagine.
So then I got MacDon's and it made it all better, because I know that sodium also serves as a...
-Muscle relaxer
-Distraction
-A nicotine equivalent
-Morphine effect
-Mental healing
-McMediation
I like to McMeditate, it really helps clear my problems. Without McMeditation I probably would pull a "Carrie" moment and kill everyone in a fiery inferno.
Wednesdays, as they say, is called "hump" day, not "scream at someone because you have no idea what you're talking about".....day.
"If she has 788 friends, why does she take pictures of herself?"
I really enjoy getting novel length texts, yelling at me in unrecognizable bitch language. Yes, bitch language. Little do you "bitch talkers", know is that I do not understand anything that you are saying. My favorite response to these novels is "K", that doesn't often go over too well. As you could imagine.
So then I got MacDon's and it made it all better, because I know that sodium also serves as a...
-Muscle relaxer
-Distraction
-A nicotine equivalent
-Morphine effect
-Mental healing
-McMediation
I like to McMeditate, it really helps clear my problems. Without McMeditation I probably would pull a "Carrie" moment and kill everyone in a fiery inferno.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Im in a civil union with a salad.
I would like to initiate my bloganza with this statement.
My farts smell like rotten eggs. I would describe it as rancid. Rackin' rancid. Rusty rancidity.
Thats what it is.
Blame it on the MacDons, gotcha feelin gassy, blame it on the frappe, gotcha feelin' nastay, blame it on the so- so so so so sodium, blame it on the so so so so so sodium!
I think I have contracted the Streptococcus virus. This virus is dangerous and could cause the return of the dinosaurs. This virus needs to be monitored at all times and could lead to the spread of Steptococcus dinosaur virus, which has the same effect on your throat as drain-o. How do i know this? It happened to me.
I returned to the prehistoric era, once or twice , or maybe just once, i don't remember, and I saw the virus with my very own eye. Yea I only got to see it with one. I mean this thing was comparable to cabbage. How do i see a microscopic virus? Well i got permission from the Supreme court of Vege-straws to give me permission to use my shrink-ray-teleporter. I was able to shrink to microscopic size using this excellent invention I made out of a toaster oven.
Speaking of cabbage, I ordered a burger today from the cafeteria and they picked an entire lettuce farm and put it on my burger. I know lettuce is good for you, and I'm not here to argue that, I'm just saying that some people may not enjoy to eat their weight in lettuce for lunch. Its not a personal problem, its a choice. I am pro-lettuce-choice. Its a merit of mine.
I just farted, and realized that I'm farting into a chair with foam type material underneath the upholstery, which means my fart is being sucked deep into the foam, thus incubating the stench. This stench is probably using budding , to , you know, replicate itself, while using glycolysis to produce ATP to feed the fart, in order for it to grow. I think aerobic respiration is allowing it to live without sunlight. It all makes sense now.
If only I could harness its power for evil.
You can find me in da club, bussles full of bub got mine get what you need, into feelin chub.
Did you know what 50 dollars of McDonalds looks like? WELL NOW YOU KNOW. They actually, put the fries and other food masses into different bags. They're kind of racist here.
So my suite mates and I just got into a stern conversation about the polar ice cap we like to call our room. One of my suite mates likes to turn the air conditioning to 55 degrees at night. So this morning, like many other mornings, I actually woke up out of a dead sleep I was so cold. I walked out and looked at the thermostat and it read 59 degrees. OUR ROOM WAS 59 DEGREES. What is wrong with you? Are you trying to give me hypothermia while I sleep? Just because you sleep in snow pants doesn't mean I should have to. Its unhealthy to woken up by excessive temperature. He tried to murder me. Murder I say, first degree!
Oh, to continue, I said "I really enjoyed waking up out of a dead sleep only to find myself frosted to my bed". I walked away in proud mode, only to see the little green light on the thermostat that indicated the air conditioning was on. I looked, it was set to 55. So I trounced back into the room and screamed "HA NICE TRY", and then proceeded to swifter away in my swiffer hideaway.
Another funny thing that happened, is my hands were covered in FB (face brownie) and I smeared it all over their door. What about that isn't hilarious.
Don't stop get it get it , steady watch me navigate ha, ha, ha, ha-ha!
Monday, October 24, 2011
Mallory Kristine Charlotte Agatha Marie
She's one in a million.... once in a life time,...she made me discover the stars above us.
SHES ONE IN A MILLION!
And she comes, Miss Mallory Kristine Charlotte Agatha Marie, she's a star, you will know who she are! She's won because...
She wants to save the Indian government from the impending attack from the Keebler Elves! She cares about worldly affairs! Thats not the only worldly affair she's been involved in, she's had sex with 17 government officials in Japan!
She cares about children, she's actually been caught kidnapping kids from Russia to serve as her make up artists, she really wants to give them opportunities!
She feeds the poor! She grinds up homeless people and feeds Africa with their remains! She has everyones best interest!
and thats why....
SHES YOUR MISS UNITED STEAKS!
SHES ONE IN A MILLION!
And she comes, Miss Mallory Kristine Charlotte Agatha Marie, she's a star, you will know who she are! She's won because...
She wants to save the Indian government from the impending attack from the Keebler Elves! She cares about worldly affairs! Thats not the only worldly affair she's been involved in, she's had sex with 17 government officials in Japan!
She cares about children, she's actually been caught kidnapping kids from Russia to serve as her make up artists, she really wants to give them opportunities!
She feeds the poor! She grinds up homeless people and feeds Africa with their remains! She has everyones best interest!
and thats why....
SHES YOUR MISS UNITED STEAKS!
What is wrong with you?
(picture everything below in a word bubble)
Why is your hair like that?
Who cut it?
......That's unfortunate
Are white people allowed to have dreadlocks?
I wonder what their mom thinks.
I wonder if they're mom looks like them.
I wonder if they're mom did it with them.
Why are you wearing that?
Thats just a little out of hand.
It's kinda disgusting.
Where did you even buy that?
What is that store called?
That reminds me of Hot Topic.
Do people who dress like that always have guitars?
Why can't musicians blend in?
Your voice isn't even good, and you look like a troll.
You have red hair and you have dread locks, thats cool and different.
Don't look at me.
Sick.
Stop singing in my direction
Wow this taco bell is going to get cold.
Where the fuck is the shuttle
.....of course they'd be here
Im going to push them in front of the shuttle
Oh ok they left
Finally on the shuttle
Where the fuck am i going to sit.
No I'm not sitting next to you don't invite me with your eyes
I'll sit here
You just touched my foot
Ok I'm at my dorm that god
Where the fuck are my keys, ok i found them
Is that all you do is swipe cards?
Yea it is.
This elevator is taking forever
Wow this elevator stinks.
Why is door locked
Oh yea i locked it.
It fucking stinks in here
I should probably blog
Why is your hair like that?
Who cut it?
......That's unfortunate
Are white people allowed to have dreadlocks?
I wonder what their mom thinks.
I wonder if they're mom looks like them.
I wonder if they're mom did it with them.
Why are you wearing that?
Thats just a little out of hand.
It's kinda disgusting.
Where did you even buy that?
What is that store called?
That reminds me of Hot Topic.
Do people who dress like that always have guitars?
Why can't musicians blend in?
Your voice isn't even good, and you look like a troll.
You have red hair and you have dread locks, thats cool and different.
Don't look at me.
Sick.
Stop singing in my direction
Wow this taco bell is going to get cold.
Where the fuck is the shuttle
.....of course they'd be here
Im going to push them in front of the shuttle
Oh ok they left
Finally on the shuttle
Where the fuck am i going to sit.
No I'm not sitting next to you don't invite me with your eyes
I'll sit here
You just touched my foot
Ok I'm at my dorm that god
Where the fuck are my keys, ok i found them
Is that all you do is swipe cards?
Yea it is.
This elevator is taking forever
Wow this elevator stinks.
Why is door locked
Oh yea i locked it.
It fucking stinks in here
I should probably blog
I got 99 problems and they all bitches.
Smells. What a fun thing.
I don't know why my suite is a smelly attractant, as my suite harbors a plethora of smells. Some not even of this country (NOT KIDDING, HEY INDIA COLOGNE). So as I was skyping with Aunt Sil, i was so rudely interrupted about 87 times. Aunt sil and I are always in intense conversation and cannot be interrupted , my suite mate was just being a RUDE RUTHIE! Anyway Ruth, as I was saying. After I answered the door that was knocked upon, that door was mine, I was bombarded with smells of hell. Evidently, when you pee on the floor and don't tell anyone, it starts to smell like piss everywhere. Listen Hippy, piss in the toilet and I won't have to hurt you, even though I just threatened to harm you if you didn't get your god damn scents out of my proximity.
He tried to blame it on the cans in the bathroom. Listen Mr. Compulsalie, my cans were thoroughly rinsed before being placed strategically in the bathroom. The last time I checked, soda didn't smell like piss. Maybe you should try drinking water instead of drugjuice. After accusing him of doing it, he said, "Nah man, my pee is definitely all white". You obviously don't know what water is. Your pee is not white when you are hydrated, it is clear. "White with a tint of yellow". Listen, White-Yella, get your piss scents and bon fire spray away from me.
I got 99 problems and 98 of them are bitches and 1 of them is a hippy.
I don't know why my suite is a smelly attractant, as my suite harbors a plethora of smells. Some not even of this country (NOT KIDDING, HEY INDIA COLOGNE). So as I was skyping with Aunt Sil, i was so rudely interrupted about 87 times. Aunt sil and I are always in intense conversation and cannot be interrupted , my suite mate was just being a RUDE RUTHIE! Anyway Ruth, as I was saying. After I answered the door that was knocked upon, that door was mine, I was bombarded with smells of hell. Evidently, when you pee on the floor and don't tell anyone, it starts to smell like piss everywhere. Listen Hippy, piss in the toilet and I won't have to hurt you, even though I just threatened to harm you if you didn't get your god damn scents out of my proximity.
He tried to blame it on the cans in the bathroom. Listen Mr. Compulsalie, my cans were thoroughly rinsed before being placed strategically in the bathroom. The last time I checked, soda didn't smell like piss. Maybe you should try drinking water instead of drugjuice. After accusing him of doing it, he said, "Nah man, my pee is definitely all white". You obviously don't know what water is. Your pee is not white when you are hydrated, it is clear. "White with a tint of yellow". Listen, White-Yella, get your piss scents and bon fire spray away from me.
I got 99 problems and 98 of them are bitches and 1 of them is a hippy.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Im gonna need some duct tape to takect that up.
I jus' put ma' elba' down' on dat der labtrap eh, and den it slided a 'lil bit then my er, elba' got crunched inta' the crevasse of ma' computa'!
DAT WAS A STINGER EH?
DAT WAS A STINGER EH?
BELLY, DAT SOUNDED LIKE SEAL EH?
At tit, a teet teet tot, a teety tot make it hot , pop lock and drop it.
They call me prince Ali cause I'm so hard to-see, there aint no buddy but-me among these fug-lies.
I'd like to debut my rap career. It's a career that will get me far in the cereal of life.
In all seriousness, I just asked Aunt Sil to help me with my project. My project was CORRECTLY translated as "I need someone to sleep with me". It is what my project is about so don't say its not when it isn't even talking about tater tots. Thats just a little ridiculous that you would that think celery would have anything to do with a misprinted price tag. Who gagged, on that price tag, word.
Sick.
They call me prince Ali cause I'm so hard to-see, there aint no buddy but-me among these fug-lies.
I'd like to debut my rap career. It's a career that will get me far in the cereal of life.
In all seriousness, I just asked Aunt Sil to help me with my project. My project was CORRECTLY translated as "I need someone to sleep with me". It is what my project is about so don't say its not when it isn't even talking about tater tots. Thats just a little ridiculous that you would that think celery would have anything to do with a misprinted price tag. Who gagged, on that price tag, word.
Sick.
RING THE ALARM AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF YOU BLOG WITHOUT ME BLOGGIN FIRST
She be rockin to the cones i'll let it flow.
So they call me Weezy F baby, thats because I wheeze and have no voice. Some people in the hood call me Voiceezy, thats my stage name. That is also my G-Unit name, thats what the G-Unit calls me. When I'm the hood with the G-Unit. I am there a lot, I take the Mayfair bus to the gang headquarters. Is it called a headquarters when you're a bad ass? Or is it called a crib. Well I'm heading the gucci crib for my triple-A meeting. With the G-Unit.
At the playhouse I defeated every single member in a game of Pang-Pung. It was way better than ping-pong, because you use guns. See how much sassier that is? And to replace the ball we use a human ear. Yea, its pretty inense.
Sometimes when I go to the mickey mouse club, I like to bring baked ziti, for all my gang mates. Home cooked meals are a rarity the Get-Toe. The Get-Toe is different than the ghetto. The ghetto becomes the Get-Toe when my big toe is there. Its a tribal event.
And finally sometimes when I go to Laguna Beach, I always offer a psychology hour. You have no many idea how many G-Units actually have feeling actually. G-Unit often stands for Grumpy unit because they are all so darn crabby! Its not my fault your uncle hit you in the head with a heroine spoon when you were 6, its not that big of a deal. Not like you can catch heroine.
My ziti is done!
So they call me Weezy F baby, thats because I wheeze and have no voice. Some people in the hood call me Voiceezy, thats my stage name. That is also my G-Unit name, thats what the G-Unit calls me. When I'm the hood with the G-Unit. I am there a lot, I take the Mayfair bus to the gang headquarters. Is it called a headquarters when you're a bad ass? Or is it called a crib. Well I'm heading the gucci crib for my triple-A meeting. With the G-Unit.
At the playhouse I defeated every single member in a game of Pang-Pung. It was way better than ping-pong, because you use guns. See how much sassier that is? And to replace the ball we use a human ear. Yea, its pretty inense.
Sometimes when I go to the mickey mouse club, I like to bring baked ziti, for all my gang mates. Home cooked meals are a rarity the Get-Toe. The Get-Toe is different than the ghetto. The ghetto becomes the Get-Toe when my big toe is there. Its a tribal event.
And finally sometimes when I go to Laguna Beach, I always offer a psychology hour. You have no many idea how many G-Units actually have feeling actually. G-Unit often stands for Grumpy unit because they are all so darn crabby! Its not my fault your uncle hit you in the head with a heroine spoon when you were 6, its not that big of a deal. Not like you can catch heroine.
My ziti is done!
I just did something and I thought it was really funny so that made me want to do it more
So I'm taking online classes at Cheezit Academy now, so, thats fun ..and...different. So I'm doing that.
Also, i've decided to legally copyright the name Colby DeZit. Because that is also fun and different and that would be a good alias for when I have to escape the country.
When got back to my dorm today I got back to my dorm today I saw a cup filled with about 3 inches of water. Not 3 ounces, 3 inches, pay attention. So naturally, I dumped it in front of my suite mates door, because I thought it would be funny. I contemplated running the water out of the glass so it went under the door, but I want element of surprise from the sunrise. You know, you can't just get buck wild right off the bat. That would be a little out of someones hand.
Someone was singing spice girls today in Mcdonalds, I mean the whole foods market, and the only reason I knew it was a spice girls song is because they kept saying "oh my god that is my favorite spice girls song". What. No.
In addition, I cease to have a voice, well I have one I'm just saying that at the moment it was incapacitated due to external forces that are powerful enough to break through my voice stronghold that I have created to that optimus prime couldn't even break in. Why optimus prime would want to steal my voice , I don't know, I mean I suppose it is the voice of an angel.
So to conclude my hypothesis I would like to accept my hypothesis that Flo Rida did in fact come after the state of Florida.
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