Late night nearsighted thought processes of horrible visual clarity therefore they may or may not be valid in a court of law

Hey insomnia, its me, Jason.

So its almost 4 am. Not to say that it is 4 am to everyone because that would be untrue, I'm just saying that my clock says its almost 4 am , so tarts what I have to go by under the Lemon Law.

I've been up thinking about what I want to do with the rest of my life. Buzz-kill, I know. As annoying as it is, this topic actually matters.

I've been putting thought into actually pursuing psychology. Yes i know, everyone and their grandma has a psychology degree. But I really like listening to people and their bull shit- I mean emotional problems.

Anyway, so I do this thing where I put my empty soda cans in the bathroom. I don't know why i think this is so funny, but I keep doing it. My suite mates think that when they stack them in a pile by the door that they have defeated me. Think again.

So I can't decide whether I want to try one of those "Naked" drinks because part of me thinks they look completely disgusting and part me really wants to try one. I heard "Green Machine" is really good, but I will test this tomorrow. I will post a repulsive reaction-face picture, even if I like it.

Oh, Jersey Shore has had a marathon all day, even though today isn't the real today because its 4 am, so yesterday. I don't know why I like it so much, I just think everything that happens is hilarious. We actually talked about this in one of my discussions for JAMS class. We had to name a guilty pleasure related to the media. It was an ice breaker, we all know how much I love icebreakers. As we went around the room some MALES said they watch iCarly all the time. Not much response besides some laughter. BUT the moment I said that I watch Jersey Shore every Thursday when the new one airs, you would have thought I told them Santa wasn't real for the time. I was CRUCIFIED by the entire class for watching that "crap". Excuse me sir, weren't you the one who watches iCarly? I think there is so much more wrong on so many levels with that.

But hey, crucifixion is definitely what I had looked forward to that day. I don't know how I got on the topic of that story, as it happened 2 weeks ago. Maybe it was 3 weeks ago. Maybe it was 18 days and 36 minutes ago. But you know, who's counting.

Is it better to sleep for 3 hours or none, I'm not sure. It never works out well either way. Damn my caffeine immunity/addiction.

So earlier tonight my RA was knocking on everyones door asking if anyone knew who stabbed enormous holes in the love sack in the lounge. There was allegedly love sack-fillings all over the lounge that had to be cleaned up, I never saw said fillings and I live right next to the lounge, but whatever. So he knocks on the door and give us his spiel. Then he says, "and if you or anyone else knows who did this , and you don't turn them in or turn yourself in, the whole floor will have to pay for it, got that Jason?" My response was "Ha, right" and I walked back into the dorm. Get fucking real Leonard, why the hell would I kamikaze-attack the love sack with a machete for no reason. If I had thought of it earlier, I probably would have put it in the elevator. Because thats funny. Not retarded like ripping up a love sack, who cares and who does that.

The McDonalds lobby opens in 18 minutes, just if anyone was wondering, no actually I know you were.

Oh quote I just heard on TV:

"I can lose weight for free but its gonna take about 10 grand to fix your fucking FACE"

Hilar.

"DIETS, YOU'RE OBSESSED"

So Aunt Sil just scolded me.

She told me that i've become obsessed with diets. I don't know why she gets so upset when I tell her about all the greek diets i've discovered. There was this Russian diet I found where instead of sticking your finger down your throat, you use a piece of celery. SEE? HEALTH.

Then she punched me in the face.

RAH RAH IM A BARFING DRAGON (sick)

"Don't ever fucking wear that again"

So for some examples of how I like to ...you know....emotionally crush people, here we are.

"So should i go up there"

"For one, don't ever fucking wear that again if you're going to black girls room, this is not the Masters"

"Hahaha what you do mean Masters"

"The fucking golf...thing"

"(laughs) ha fine dude"

"Also, don't text her 87 times a minute, because you will become a sex offender"

"I don't text her that much!"

"Ya what about that 3 hour voice mail you left her on friday"

"I was drunk"

"Ya so was I and I didn't leave no 3 hour voice mail on Ashlie Zeutizus's phone did i? Sir this is getting out of hand"

--------Few minutes go by---------

"Are you texting her"

"Ya"

".......So are you trying to get on the sex offender list?"

"Duuuuude I'm trying so hard why won't she answer"

"Im going to go talk to her"

*Me= walk walk walk walk walk*

"Hey DeRea, so Koty..."

This is the part where she tells me how many times she talks to him, and how she isn't in to him and just wants to be friends blah blah blah blah blah.

I go back down to the lounge.

"Its a no go, nope, not gonna happen"

"*sigh* i knew it"

"then why the fuck did i go up there, i am TIRED I AM EXHAUSTED FROM THE BUILDING I JUST SCALED"

I am just such a good helper.

My psycho-social powers

Im switching everything.

Im going to major in psycho-social........ology, and I'm going to minor in alcohology.

I have found my calling. Its to hurt peoples feelings. To really bring them down to earth and crush all of their dreams they've ever had. 

If only I was as good at solving other people's problems as I was at solving my own. No I mean to say that I don't have any problems because my life is perfect and everyone loves me. Clear-ly.

So i  have decided that people like the bluntness that I most times only display around Aunt Sil. So I'm going to continue being mean. Aunt Sil has taught me the ways of making people think I like them, when we really talk about killing them on a daily basis. She has taught me well.

So now that i've found my calling I can continue cutting this cake.

Cuttin' the CaaaAAaaake when no ones TheeEErrree

AHHH (CHH) PUSH IT.

Keepin' in classy.

So after the previous NOT depressing blog, you're probably looking at this picture thinking "heeeeeey train wreck". There is nothing judicially wrong with going to the hookah bar with some acquaintances when there is nothing to do. Well there actually was things we could have done instead, but the hookah bar was the obvious choice.

So before i go any further, I would like to dissect this picture.

-Middle finger = class
- Smoke = "heeey thick ma"
- Whose eyes? Nothing

White chocolate, make it rain. Gucci. IsThick. Andddd moving forward.

Another thing that contributed to the stellar and cellular mood I was in yesterday, is that I found out my friend Koty is being deployed in 9 minutes. What? Another friend leaving? No completely fine and normal for all of someone's new friends to be swiffered away.

AAAAh (CHH) PUSH IT.

I followed a tutorial on youtube on how to do the Push It dance, just for a few laughs. Of course Aunt Sil was observing my every move. My dance was soon only to be interrupted by said avalanche in Aunt Sil's apartment. Good thing a few months earlier I prepared her on how to handle an avalanche by performing the "test water dump" drill. After said clean up she knew how to handle this new force of nature.

I need to keep cutting this cake in my pants before I go to a movie later. There is a lot of cake to be cutten.

Untitled

So i have decided I decided everything sucks. But its fine.

I am really sick of things never working out in my favor, ever. Whether I try or don't try, it doesn't really effect the outcome at all. My life consists of sitting back and watching everyone else's lives unfold in exciting and dramatic ways. I would even take dramatic right now, over this horse shit.

I normally try to not let this get to me, because its annoying and a waste of energy. Im blogging this so i can get this off of my mind. I need to knock this attitude off right now. Right now.

So tonight it'll be me and The Fray, doing some homework.

TOOTY KABOOTY

 HEY TOOTY KABOOTY, WHATS GOIN' ON Y'VONNE?

Oh...hey...Just rockin' in a well.


So today I decided I would try this super new cool thing to put the pictures on the side, cool I KNOW. Its really hard to do.

This week has been filled with, both, of what you see on the side.

Coke and Dairy.

So tonight, after my door was being battering rammed by vikings a.k.a. my RA, I decided I would go get my ice cream and the mail. No this wasn't only the second time I left my room all day, don't say it was cause it wasn't, I was out all day, I was.

Today I only have consumed an average of only 700 calories, as Aunt Sil knows, I am trying to bring back my international modeling career. I was very famous in Indonesia as I am SO tall. They really were just not finding people as tall as me, so OBVIOUSLY they found me on Facebook a few years ago (in my prime) and I agreed to be a famous model.

Oh let me elaborate on how I killed my suite mate.

On Thursday, hippy decides that since he isn't going to class today, so naturally he is going to take a 45 minute shower in the exact time slot that I need to get ready. Sheer convenience. So I was patient through the time 8:45 to 9:10, then I started to get enraged. I proceeded to yell "HEY 45 MINUTE UNNECESSARY SHOWER THANK YOU".

This set the perfect tone for the day, where I then killed everyone else. I also had a very close horsefly encounter, in which I used my verbal flyswatter to disarm it.

It was a near death experience.

Sorry I have to keep rockin' in this well